Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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