Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
