i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
