think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize