oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Princesses don't give blow jobs
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
