The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize