If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
