I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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