No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
