you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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