you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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