She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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