Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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