some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
