Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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