belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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