Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
