I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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