I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
