You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
