hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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