ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
