She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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