The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
