giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
