she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
