so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
