Sorry, I don't speak sober.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize