We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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