Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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