Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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