you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
