I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
