Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
