I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
