Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
