Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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