I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He kissed a someone with a penis
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
