Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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