so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
