He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
