i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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