She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
