4 words: hood of his car
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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