Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We need a shit load of segways right now
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
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