So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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