just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Shitshow foam night was such a success
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize