i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
