my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she peed on how many people?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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