census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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