i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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