he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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