Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize