I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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