She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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