we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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