I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
His nipple licking is glorious
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