Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
