my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize