It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I need to align my fucking chakras
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
