I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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