He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
