either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
