Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I need a burrito and a hug.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
