I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
