she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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