remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
