Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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