Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
