do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
