Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
