My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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