Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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