I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
