I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
