I can text with my tongue
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
