Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
