I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize