Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
