I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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