I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
