One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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