Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
as a side note pls kill me
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
