So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
