i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
