we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
