I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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