I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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