Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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