i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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