Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(631): View more from New York

I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore

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(860): View more from Connecticut

i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.

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(520): View more from Arizona

I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.

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(843): View more from South Carolina

I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.

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(313): View more from Michigan

Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally

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(231): View more from Michigan

You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches

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(727): View more from Florida

I felt guilty, it was so good!

(1-727): View more from Florida

Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.

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(513): View more from Ohio

I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.

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