I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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