you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
