Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
