i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
