Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
