I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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